Where Does the Good Go?
by FGG
Summary: A night spent and somehow everything's changed... Christina Meredith


Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy (though sometimes I think it owns me).

I feel obliged to mention that this story is one of the few Grey's Anatomy femmeslash. I felt that something on this vein should be written, so I took it into my own hands. Keep in mind that it is a work in progress, and I will take any suggestions into consideration. More to follow, and maybe even another fic or two.

Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

The locker rooms were lit with that eerie sterile luminescence characteristic of the post-industrial age. Meredith Grey leaned back against the cold metal locker, smirking as she contemplated the monotony of the place.

"I match the lockers. A woman with a medical degree has to wear scrubs that match the freaking lockers."

"Well, at least you don't have to wear salmon. There are a lot of worse things."

"Shut up," Grey said, looking lazily over at her coworker.

Christina had just walked in and was already shedding her sterile, emotionless scrubs. She turned as she heard a sigh, and when she saw the expression on her tired friend's face, she rolled her eyes.

"You're not thinking about _him_ again, are you?"

"Well…"

"I can't stand how bleak you are, Mer. Just get over him. He's not _that_ cute."

Meredith closed her eyes slowly and sighed. "You know I was in love with the man."

"And you still are, et cetera et cetera… You know, there is more to the world than boys and being emotive. Get a hobby. Learn how to shoot; work longer hours."

"Yea, I'm sure both of those would go over well."

"Well, look at it this way. If you ever decide to go on a homicidal rampage, at least you would know how to hit the man. And who knows, if you got to know the nurses, maybe they'd cover your ass."

Meredith smirked again, and offered Christina one of her now all-too-rare smiles.

"You know, you are good for me, Dr. Yang."

"Don't get too happy, you'll ruin your reputation. Come on, I know a bottle of tequila that is calling our names."

And she could use it.

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

It was getting late at Joe's bar. The low neon lighting glared in Meredith's eyes even through the smoky haze, and reality seemed to undulate around her, fluid and stationless. She finally felt she had taken enough shots in her to give the pain a mercy-killing, if only for now. She looked over at Christina -who was only somewhat more sober than she- and proceeded to squint her eyes and open her mouth to speak.

"Nothing is better than loosing a few brain cells, right? Who's going to miss them? The patients? They… they don't know the difference. Our parents? They can't care about it, can they? And maybe, if I get so lucky, it will kill all of him. In my head. Just… Cut the bastard out. Like a tumor. In me. Yes. It will, won't it?"

Christina returned the gaze, made a face of mock disgust, and said, "You know it's going to take a lot more than a few shots every night for the rest of your life to get rid of that one. You'll _die_ first of liver cirrhosis. And then there will be no more Dr. Grey for us to love... No more... I, I should stop hanging out with you. I can't give up my career for a lovesick girl like you. And if we keep drinking like this..."

"You're such a... bitch, Christina, you know that? But that's ok. Because I know that I am your person. And I forgive you, because you're funny."

They briefly exchanged a drunken gaze, and then Christina looked down, swirled her shot as though divining some fate, and took another swallow of her poison. She muttered, unfocused:

"You'd better. Because I'm the only one that will be there for you."

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

Some time later (hard to tell though the veil of drunkenness) they stumbled out onto the lamp-lit street. Joe had called them a cab, the responsible bartender he was, and they had made a collaboratory decision that the entrance of a group of five testosterone-ridden men in tight leather jackets and stonewash jeans into the bar was a great indicator that they should step out.

Supporting each other, they stumbled away from the door. Giggling erupted in waves from their awkward embrace, and they tried halfheartedly to compensate for one another. Meredith gesticulated tipsily in the direction of the hospital, and called, somewhat too loudly, "Hey, Shepherd? Dr. McDreamy? You hear me? Go screw yourself! You hear me? Go to hell, you dick! I'm done with you!"

Christina, sensibility impaired, echoed the call. "That's right, Dr. I'm-so-hot! Bite me! Or… her! Go and screw your big-jawed firecrotch wife! I hope your children look like your stupid dog!"

Meredith elbowed her friend, giggling like a child, and leaned against the bricks of the bar's outer wall. "You know, Christina, this brick wall is nice. It's stable. You hear me, wall? You are the only stable thing in my life!"

Christina joined her fellow intern in her recline. "I agree with that, you drunk. This wall is the only stability I've had in a while."

"But you've had Burke. _You_ at least have a man that loves you. Who wants you. Who makes you live with him he needs you so much."

Christina looked down, bit her lip, and let an elongated sigh escape her.

"You know how I told you he said that he loves me? Well, I told him I love him too."

"Well, see? You have something!"

"Meredith… he was asleep."

"Well…"

"Mer, I can't help but feel like the whole thing is a lie. Like, some kind of sham. Some stupid card house threatening to fall. I didn't ask for this! It was supposed to just be occasional sex. But now…"

"Christina…"

"Now, he has had me go through all the motions of being in a relationship. A _real_ relationship. Moving in, going out, _sharing_ things… But I'm not sure what I feel. I mean, I couldn't even say that I love him to his face…"

"It takes time, Christina. Especially if you aren't used to it…"

"He is everything a woman could ever want... Everything I could ever want…"

"But…?"

"I don't know, something is missing. Mer…"

They stared at each other for a moment, roles reversed, Christina almost in tears. And then the moment passed and they looked away, out into the city night.

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

The cab arrived after a few more minutes of silence, and they crawled into the backseat the best they could. Meredith gave her address, and the cab driver responded with a gruff "'kay."

The cab arrived at the house, dark and empty, a void of life and emotion. Meredith opened the door and paused, not wanting to enter the house. It still seemed haunted by her mother, and she hated to face it alone. She looked back at her friend, pitifully.

Christina sat there for a moment, seemingly contemplating Meredith's expression. Suddenly, she spoke with as much nonchalance as she could muster.

"Meredith, you know I can't go home like this. Burke would have a fit if he saw me. And besides, I don't wanna vomit in his perfect apartment."

A faint grin was passed between them, and Meredith spoke.

"Yea, you can spend the night. My roommates are at work anyway, so you wont disturb anybody with your… Drunkenness."

"Thanks."

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

The stillness of the house was abruptly stirred by the entrance of the two women. They clumsily supported each other through the door, up the stairs, down the hall, and into Meredith's room. Cautiously, they slid onto the edge of the bed, and there was a pause.

"I can, um, sleep on the floor or something…"

"Christina, I do not need you drooling on my floor. The sheets I can wash. Don't worry about it."

"Uh, ok. You might regret it though. I'm… touchy."

"You? Touchy? Like cuddly? Who would've thought? Dr. Christina Yang is a cuddler."

"Oh, shut up. I've never made fun of your quirks."

"Like what?"

"Your hair always looks awful. Like, post-shag. If they didn't think you were still all into McDreamy, the Seattle Grace staff would think you were getting laid in the supply closet every half-hour."

"Well, at least I _look_ like I'm getting some…"

"Oh, screw you."

Meredith raised an eyebrow and pushed her friend. Christina, too tired and fuzzy-brained to offer the proper bodily opposition, fell back onto the coverlet, clasped her hands over her stomach, and stared at the ceiling.

"Mer?"

"Yea?"

"Thanks for the whole… friend thing. I'm not sure how I'd fare without another female intern actually dedicated to her job. I might have become a little too… Ambitious"

"You, ambitious? I'd have never thought. And what about Izzie? She's dedicated…"

"You know what I mean. She's too… Girly or something. Not hardcore like us."

"Well, at least she is a sweetheart, and she doesn't make a lot of noise, which gives her points in my book."

"That is because she isn't getting laid. Don't give me that look, I heard about your slutfest."

Meridith looked down at her hands and then back at the woman on her bed.

"I was just trying to find a distraction…"

"Damn you, Meredith... It is hard enough dealing with your obsession with McDreamy without the added drama of your self-destructive tendencies."

Meredith sharply turned her head and reexamined her hands, and terse silence followed. She then felt the bed shift and a slight hand grasp her shoulder. Cautiously, she looked up into the concerned eyes of her friend -her _best_ friend- and something caught.

Christina looked straight though her hollow eyes, past the veil of calm, past the pain.

And it hit her like a truck.

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

Morning came swiftly that next day, sudden and sharp like the call of a trumpet in the dawn of war. Meredith groaned, feeling illness creep though her limbs and invade her head and abdomen. She instinctively stretched her sore limbs, and paused, confused, when she realized half of her appendages were pinned against her. A quizzical look on her face, she looked down at her body, only to find a mass of fuzzy black hair swarming before her. She gaped, spat out the lock of course hair she accidentally caught in the wetness of her maw, and let her head fall back on the pillow. A groan rumbled against her breast, and she patted the black mass with her free hand.

"Sleep well, you?"

"Go to hell."

"I thought so."

Christina nuzzled her face deeper into the cloth below her, and then stopped abruptly, realizing that the cloth was attached to a body. A thin, lithe body.

Meredith.

"Damn it."

"Yea, I know."

"We didn't, did we?"

"I'm still dressed, so…"

"Um, you're not wearing a bra."

"Well, you're not wearing pants, so we are even."

"Neither are you."

"At least I have my shirt on."

And there they lay, a tangled mass of limbs, half-dressed in a hodgepodge of clothing articles, taking in the confusion of the new day.

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

George O'Malley fumbled with his keys, trying to remember why he did not have the house key more obviously labeled.

"Damn, why do I always do this… Urgh.. so tired.."

Izzie patiently waited, and then after a few more swear words were uttered, entered the house with George.

"Hey George, wanna go check on Meredith? She looked like she was in a drinking mood yesterday. She might end up actually hurting herself one of these days…"

"Uh, okay… Does that mean I get first shower?"

"Hell no. I'm sending you away to be distracted while I take mine, manly-man."

George gave a sarcastic smile and rolled his eyes, but obliged Izzie. After all, he was the man of the house, and he had to take care of his girls… Especially Grey.

He dropped his backpack down in the foyer beside the staircase, and walked up the stairs exhaustedly. His eyes and legs felt extremely heavy, and the calm atmosphere of the house was not lending any assistance to his awareness.

"Just have to check on her, then you can pass out…"

Izzie ran past him towards the bathroom.

"No shower for you!"

"How can you be so chipper?"

Her response was the swift closure of the bathroom door, and George just sighed. He reached Meredith's door and paused, cautiously.

"Allright, she's fine George. You're fine. You don't want anything. You're just checking."

He knocked lightly, heard rustling, and decided it was safe to enter.

"Meredith… Oh, man."

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

Dr Yang and Dr. Grey looked up at the dumbstruck face of their fellow intern, and then looked at each other.

"You wanna explain?"

"No, you. You're the one who coerced me into drinking so much."

"You're the one sleeping in my bed!"

"So are you!"

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Girls!" George barked, abruptly, "Ok, what is going on here? If it is what it looks like…"

"Well, Dr. Grey here got me drinking…"

"You were the one who suggested it!"

"Not the point. She.."

Christina stopped and looked into the hallway, where a new face had appeared. "Hey George, where is my… Oh, my, God."

Izzie gawked at the sight of her fellow interns, and turned to look at George.

"What is going on, and why have I not heard about it?"

Christina collected a sheet about herself and sat up. "Really, it's not…"

"Not what? Looks like you two have been having some fun." She paused, and then her face tensed and she said with some shock, "What about Burke?"

Christina choked and looked out the window for a moment. She then looked at Izzie and said, "It was an accident. We were buzzed, we were stressed…"

Grey felt her heart sink to a place she didn't know existed.

"Christina…"

She felt that same lithe hand she could only faintly remember on her shoulder grab for hers, under the sheets.

She swallowed over the thick knot beginning to for in her throat, and looked cautiously into the dark eyes of her friend. Christina squeezed her hand, and uttered softly,

"No."

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

Izzie looked at the pained expression that was crawling its way onto Grey's face and then at the stormy gaze that Christina fixed on the sheets. She grabbed George's shoulder, and nodded towards the hallway.

"I think they need to talk," she whispered to her dumbstruck housemate. George opened and closed his mouth like a suffocating fish for a few short seconds, looked away from the two half-naked girls, and stumbled back into the hallway. Izzie closed the door softly, but not before catching the bewildered gaze of Christina Yang.

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

"Christina…" Meredith moaned again.

"I… I can't. I've got to go."

"Wait, can't we talk?"

"Meredith, we've done enough harm. This can't happen. I've got to go."

Christina was pulling on her clothing rapidly, stumbling around almost as though still inebriated.

"Damnit! Where is my shirt?"

Meredith pulled the tight little black tee from its envelopment in the covers. She stared at it for a moment, bewildered, and held it out to Christina.

"Here…"

Christina looked up from where she was buttoning her jeans, and grabbed the shirt. Their fingertips met, and when Meredith did not release her grip on the fabric, Christina looked up and caught her friend's pleading gaze.

"Don't go."

Christina stared for a moment, and then pulled the shirt away and became reabsorbed in her jeans.

"I have to. I've got things to do, Meredith. Just... forget about this. Nothing happened. It's perfectly natural to make mistakes when drunk…"

"Christina, this was not a bad thing."

"I can't, Meredith. I just… can't."

Meredith let a little cry escape her, and then swallowed hard. Christina walked towards the door, grabbed the handle, and paused.

"Meredith…"

"Yes?" Grey responded anxiously.

"I… I'll see you at work."

And she was gone.

-zuzuzuzuzuz-

Hope you like! Tell me what you think! (sorry It's a little rough- I just needed to get it out)

Read and review, if you will!

FG


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